It’s a good evening. It’s a goodbye. I am leaving behind the past eighteen years of my life. I am leaving behind the people, the memories, the sleepless nights, the tears, the laughs. Today was my last day of high school. It’s sad leaving behind everything I have known my entire life but also exciting. I get to move on with who I have been, who I have been told to be. I get to venture into a new world and find myself. All my mistakes can be cleaned away, all the regret I have held can be swept under the rug. I am now free to make new mistakes, new friends, new memories.

I can’t believe graduation is next week, that everything is really over. In September I will be moving to Georgia to attend college, it feels so far away now, but truly it is only a fraction of time away. I am so excited to get back into making videos, layouts, photography and everything creating. I feel as if I have lost myself without these things lately. Now that I have the time and opportunity to thrust myself into my creativity again, I am amazed. It brings me inner peace.

The picture above is of my little cousin Brionna and I. I have known her my entire life and have grown up doing everything together. It is going to be truly sad leaving her. I am sure my friends and I will all move on with our life’s but it’s something that is bittersweet. This chapter in my life closing and opening to a new one… is a bittersweet trip to Georgia.

Anyway… I have decided and send on my enrollment and housing forms tomorrow for the college I want to go to… I am still debating between Mass Art and SCAD just because SCAD is cheaper and has more credit hours in your major… but Mass Art is in an amazing location and better interning opportunities… I’ll most likely just go to Mass Art because I’ll regret if I don’t go there! And if I go to Mass Art I really won’t regret not going to SCAD. We shall see. The clock is ticking!!! Ahhh!

I wanted to share this saying from Disney Land…

I don’t know why but I really like it. I know it most likely pertains to Disney Land like the parts of it and such, but I take it in a different way. Very inspiring to me. Ok I have to go do some homework. xoxox

I have until Friday to mail out my enrollment forms for college! It’s so insane that it’s already here! I think I’ve decided on MassArt… It’s just the cost for out of state students it’s ridiculous because it is a public college. All my other schools are offering me way better scholarships. I don’t think I want to go $50,000 into debt at Mass Art while other students don’t even obtain have that amount of debt. Anyway, my friend Mike Kopanski helped me re-do my website today. We re-do the portfolio portion and I made graphics for all my online profiles besides myspace to match the new graphics on here! So check them out. I am going to start blogging a lot more because I finally got my own computer! A 15″ brand new MacBook Pro! I am so excited! I am getting scans and stuff for my wisdom teeth tomorrow (I need to get them out!) so I got to go to sleep early. The appointment is so early in the morning. Bye!

Enough about college. I want to express how I have been feeling lately.. but it’s just so confusing to put into words. I have 7 weeks left of high school and I am realizing how fast life truly flies by and I don’t know how to handle that. I am about to begin a new chapter in my life but who do I want to be in that chapter? It’s a fresh start. Most people know what they want for this “start”. I have no idea. I have no idea who I want to be or is that an idiotic statement? I should want to be me. But I have no idea who that is. I’ve realized that who I am is parts of what everyone else has wanted me to be my entire life. If that makes sense. We are never really ourselves, we are bits of pieces of what others want. People can deny it all they want, but that is who you are. Whether you try to go against the grain or not… you are trying to be something. You are not something.

My little cousin Brionna and I dressed up in blue unitards on Avatar day at school. Just thought I’d throw this out there for kicks and giggles.

Okay changing topics. I’ve been thinking about college a lot lately. It’s so insane to think that it’s only a few months away! It’s such a big change after living in the same town for over 18 and a half years. The scariest part about it is the cold weather! I don’t know if I will survive.. I think I’ll turn into a icicle. Actually.. the scariest part is that it’s a new start. I feel that you should know who you are or who you want to be before you start a new beginning but I have no idea. I really hope I can figure it all out. I ran into this quote that makes me think about all of the “who I want to be”.

“We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.”  -André Berthiaume, Contretemps

It makes me want to just be myself. I just need to figure out my values. Do I want to work ridiculously hard and have no fun – or vice versa? I am just not sure. So many things to figure out.

Here are my colleges and scholarships so far (I still have to pick one!).

• Savannah College of Art & Design: $13,000 a year scholarship, total $52,000
• Massachusetts College of Art & Design: $7,000 a year scholarship, total $28,000
• University of the Arts: $14,000 a year scholarship, total $56,000
• Pratt: Admission Decision for regular action is April 1, 2010 (fingers crossed).

I am visiting them all over spring break in two weeks! We shall see which one I like the best!

Okay have to go do my analytical geometry homework. Here is a picture from a little photo shoot I did two years ago. I just ran across some of the pictures and I remember this one.. I balanced this really heavy metal boat on my head! I have a little flat spot on my head.. it comes in handy for balancing objects, I think I was dropped as a child. Haha. I will never know! Byee!

xoxoxo

I got rejected from RISD. And I actually am surprised that I am perfectly fine with the decision. The admission process is to fit you to the right school and if you don’t fit you don’t get accepted basically. I don’t think I would have been happy in Rhode Island anyway. Plus all the other art schools I have applied to (that have given me a admission decision) have given me $8,000-$24,000 scholarships per year. So I am pretty pleased with that. I am not sure where I am going yet.. but, I am going to go visit my top four choices over spring break around March 29th. Mass Art, Pratt, U Arts and SCAD are the schools. I think I’ll be happy at any of those schools. We shall see how it all pans out.

I am not going to let one decision stop me. Maybe I’ll even transfer there or go to graduate school there. I feel like I was more caught up on the name of RISD then the actual school. Which is just really silly.

Anyway I’ve been really stressed out with school stuff lately, so I am going to go try get ahead on that. The picture above is on a staircase that was about 50 feet above the ground. My friend Jessie Moreno took these when I was 16. I forgot about them – even though the quality is horrible! Oh well.

xoxo

I was researching about RISD dorms, meal plans and stuff today. I don’t know why I am researching about it, I mean I don’t even get my admission decision for another week. I am really nervous about finding out if I get in or not. I feel as if I am more then adequate to attend RISD and handle their intense program. I just feel so frustrated because it’s like how am I supposed to express who I am as a person and an artist in three drawings, an essay, and my portfolio? It just seems impossible.

So I found myself looking through all this information about RISD for the past month more than ever – rereading every article, googling every single thing and question I have about the school. Reading reviews, reading forums and posts about other people who applied and why they got in or did not.

As much as I want to go to RISD I find myself upset when I read/look at anything to do with RISD. This is because I find RISD to be my absolute dream school. Everything about it draws me in (besides the price, hahah – can you say student loan?). I just feel like I didn’t think my application through enough.

I mean there is nothing I can do about it now. So I am just going to have to deal with the results no matter what. After I get this decision I suppose I will start looking up the other 9 schools I applied to and start researching which one fits me the second best compared to RISD.

Well, keep your fingers crossed for me.

xoxo

This is a sketch I did in an hour with color pencil accents and stuff. It doesn’t really have good technique to it. But, for some reason this sketch means a lot to me. To me despite the fact that the people don’t have faces/facial expressions I feel like the body language between them is very significant. Which is very surprising because of the simplicity of the picture. This might represent a lot of different things to people but to me it represents the struggle to completely trust and give yourself to one person. It shows the emotions of letting someone care for you and protect you – something that I am not used to, something that I am afraid of. Okay, well anyway – I’ll let the art speak for it’s self.

I am planning on having the cover printed on some sort of white or off-white matte material and the parallelograms will be embossed and de bossed randomly. The gold and grey/silver with have a shine coat added them. I like them a lot, kind of sucks that it’s better then my 2010 theme – my own senior yearbook! Oh well, I guess it’s my parting gift to the juniors. Haha. I am going to change the opening, because I don’t like it that much. The rest is pretty much done.