It’s a good evening. It’s a goodbye. I am leaving behind the past eighteen years of my life. I am leaving behind the people, the memories, the sleepless nights, the tears, the laughs. Today was my last day of high school. It’s sad leaving behind everything I have known my entire life but also exciting. I get to move on with who I have been, who I have been told to be. I get to venture into a new world and find myself. All my mistakes can be cleaned away, all the regret I have held can be swept under the rug. I am now free to make new mistakes, new friends, new memories.

I can’t believe graduation is next week, that everything is really over. In September I will be moving to Georgia to attend college, it feels so far away now, but truly it is only a fraction of time away. I am so excited to get back into making videos, layouts, photography and everything creating. I feel as if I have lost myself without these things lately. Now that I have the time and opportunity to thrust myself into my creativity again, I am amazed. It brings me inner peace.

The picture above is of my little cousin Brionna and I. I have known her my entire life and have grown up doing everything together. It is going to be truly sad leaving her. I am sure my friends and I will all move on with our life’s but it’s something that is bittersweet. This chapter in my life closing and opening to a new one… is a bittersweet trip to Georgia.

Sent in my enrollment stuff for SCAD! I am so excited to go! Besides the meal plan they require is ridiculously expensive for freshmen year!  I definitely pulled a 180 on my college choices. I just had to pick what I knew all along was the best choice… because it was down to the last days to mail stuff in. I am really happy with my choice. But, I have to go do scholarship applications, study and homework. I need to get caught up on things. xoxo

This weekend I went to Disney’s Magic Kingdom for Grad Nite 2010. It was one of the best nights of my entire life. I would post a picture of it, but I didn’t bring my camera and my friends have yet to upload the photos to facebook. Like whats up with that? They should upload them within like .1345234 seconds after taking them! Haha, just kidding.

Anyway… I have decided and send on my enrollment and housing forms tomorrow for the college I want to go to… I am still debating between Mass Art and SCAD just because SCAD is cheaper and has more credit hours in your major… but Mass Art is in an amazing location and better interning opportunities… I’ll most likely just go to Mass Art because I’ll regret if I don’t go there! And if I go to Mass Art I really won’t regret not going to SCAD. We shall see. The clock is ticking!!! Ahhh!

I wanted to share this saying from Disney Land…

I don’t know why but I really like it. I know it most likely pertains to Disney Land like the parts of it and such, but I take it in a different way. Very inspiring to me. Ok I have to go do some homework. xoxox

I have until Friday to mail out my enrollment forms for college! It’s so insane that it’s already here! I think I’ve decided on MassArt… It’s just the cost for out of state students it’s ridiculous because it is a public college. All my other schools are offering me way better scholarships. I don’t think I want to go $50,000 into debt at Mass Art while other students don’t even obtain have that amount of debt. Anyway, my friend Mike Kopanski helped me re-do my website today. We re-do the portfolio portion and I made graphics for all my online profiles besides myspace to match the new graphics on here! So check them out. I am going to start blogging a lot more because I finally got my own computer! A 15″ brand new MacBook Pro! I am so excited! I am getting scans and stuff for my wisdom teeth tomorrow (I need to get them out!) so I got to go to sleep early. The appointment is so early in the morning. Bye!

Last week I went to visit a lot of my colleges. I visited MassArt, Pratt, UArts and SCAD. I also got accepted to Pratt with a $10,000 scholarship per year. After visiting all of the schools I felt so confused, I had no idea logically where I wanted to go. I tried making many lists of pros and cons but nothing worked. That’s when I decided that I need to go with my heart. And my heart told me from the second I stepped into MassArt that it was the place for me. So now I am going to go to MassArt (hopefully). I just have to work out the financial part because it’s such an expensive school for out of state. The room and board is ridiculous. Anyway, anyway…

Enough about college. I want to express how I have been feeling lately.. but it’s just so confusing to put into words. I have 7 weeks left of high school and I am realizing how fast life truly flies by and I don’t know how to handle that. I am about to begin a new chapter in my life but who do I want to be in that chapter? It’s a fresh start. Most people know what they want for this “start”. I have no idea. I have no idea who I want to be or is that an idiotic statement? I should want to be me. But I have no idea who that is. I’ve realized that who I am is parts of what everyone else has wanted me to be my entire life. If that makes sense. We are never really ourselves, we are bits of pieces of what others want. People can deny it all they want, but that is who you are. Whether you try to go against the grain or not… you are trying to be something. You are not something.

My little cousin Brionna and I dressed up in blue unitards on Avatar day at school. Just thought I’d throw this out there for kicks and giggles.

I deleted almost all of my online profiles – myspace, twitter, deviant art, and facebook. The only one I have left is youtube (because I never use it there is no reason to delete it). I am just really sick of being connected to all of this. The point of these websites is to get attention essentially. We want picture comments, subscriptions, and blah blah blah. It’s just so silly. You get on the computer to do homework and end up spending hours on these social websites sort of “stalking” people. I am over it. It’s time for me to disconnect. It’s been 24 hours since I did it.. and it’s amazing. I already feel more productive. People don’t always need to know what I am doing and I don’t need to know what everyone else is doing.. I just need to go do! Haha.

Okay changing topics. I’ve been thinking about college a lot lately. It’s so insane to think that it’s only a few months away! It’s such a big change after living in the same town for over 18 and a half years. The scariest part about it is the cold weather! I don’t know if I will survive.. I think I’ll turn into a icicle. Actually.. the scariest part is that it’s a new start. I feel that you should know who you are or who you want to be before you start a new beginning but I have no idea. I really hope I can figure it all out. I ran into this quote that makes me think about all of the “who I want to be”.

“We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin.”  -André Berthiaume, Contretemps

It makes me want to just be myself. I just need to figure out my values. Do I want to work ridiculously hard and have no fun – or vice versa? I am just not sure. So many things to figure out.

Here are my colleges and scholarships so far (I still have to pick one!).

• Savannah College of Art & Design: $13,000 a year scholarship, total $52,000
• Massachusetts College of Art & Design: $7,000 a year scholarship, total $28,000
• University of the Arts: $14,000 a year scholarship, total $56,000
• Pratt: Admission Decision for regular action is April 1, 2010 (fingers crossed).

I am visiting them all over spring break in two weeks! We shall see which one I like the best!

Okay have to go do my analytical geometry homework. Here is a picture from a little photo shoot I did two years ago. I just ran across some of the pictures and I remember this one.. I balanced this really heavy metal boat on my head! I have a little flat spot on my head.. it comes in handy for balancing objects, I think I was dropped as a child. Haha. I will never know! Byee!

xoxoxo